Rule No.1

unCommon Courtesy

2010-10-31T04:16:00.001-07:00

'Asking politely never works unless you have the upper hand.'

Aramaki, Section 9

blaiddwyn
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Where the Wild Things Are

2010-02-12T23:18:00.000-08:00

STOP!

DO NOT RUN FROM A RADICAL FAERIE.

Face the Faerie and stand upright.

Back away slowly, but only if you can do so safely.

Running may stimulate a Faerie's instinct to pursue and flirt.

REMAIN COMPOSED when you come upon a Faerie. Speak calmly, yet firmly.

DO NOT APPROACH A FAERIE,

especially one that is pre-caffeinated, dishing, or putting on drag or make-up.

Most Faeries will try to avoid a confrontation. Leave them a graceful way out.

DO NOT WALK OR CAMP ALONE.

Make plenty of noise to reduce your chances of surprising a Faerie.

Carrying a clipboard is a good idea: you can use it to ward off a Faerie.

KEEP LOVED ONES CLOSE TO YOU, and always within your sight.

Speak with them about Faeries and tell them what to do if they meet one.

DO NOT CROUCH AND BEND OVER;

DO ALL YOU CAN DO TO APPEAR LARGER.

Raise your arms. Open your jacket, if you are wearing one.

If pets or small children are with you, pick them up so they don't panic and run.

IF THE FAERIE BEHAVES AGGRESSIVELY, throw food, drag, or whatever jewelry or cosmetics you can grab without crouching or turning your back.

IF A FAERIE ATTACKS YOU,

FIGHT BACK and try to stay on your feet.

Faeries have been driven off by fighting back!

PLEASE REPORT ALL FAERIE SIGHTINGS

AS WELL AS ANY CARCASS WHICH MIGHT BE ATTRIBUTABLE TO A FAERIE KILL.

[Adapted from advice about Mountain Lion, Bear, and other Wild Things]

Cat Skinners

2009-11-19T18:17:00.000-08:00

Yes, there is more than one way to skin a cat...

Only you do still need a cat.

The Clean Room

2009-08-29T17:30:00.000-07:00

1. There are no self-cleaning surfaces.

2. It is easier to keep things clean, than to get things clean.

3. 'If you don't have time to wash up, you don't have time to eat.' (John of Ark)

4. Your mother doesn't live here.

5. You can tell when things are clean - why don't you seem to notice the mess you are leaving behind?!?

It's ALL 'Drag'

2009-08-22T16:06:00.000-07:00

(More like a slogan, nearly... profound, at any rate. No stopping this one - even Super String Theory confirms it.)

Where is the Toilet?

2009-08-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

One of two rules generally apply:
The Law of Proximity
The Law of Symmetry

The Law of Proximity states that when you invariably first find the gender-specific toilet which you are not entitled use, the other is most likely quite nearby - ordinarily adjacent, or perhaps separated by a utility closet.

The Law of Symmetry on the other hand states that, under similar circumstances, the toilet you are seeking is probably in a mirror location, such as the opposite wing or parallel corridor of the building - though this arrangement might be encountered only in plans which are older and rather segregated, such as schools. In cases where the Proximity rule applies and the edifice is grand, this axiom also suggests that another pair of toilets may be sought in a symmetric location - 'through the looking glass', as it were.

A possible third template to hold up in this situation could be termed the Stacking Rule. For multi-story structures it more or less reliably recommends that, when the location of a facility is known for one level, this information may prove useful on another.

Happy hunting...

Monkey see, Monkey do

2009-07-12T00:46:00.000-07:00

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil.

(Well, one out of three isn't bad.)

Know Thine Enemy

2009-05-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

One other thing you can count on in this day and age (in addition to death and taxes), is that no matter what is ailing you, it has a name.

Tripping

2009-04-12T02:38:00.000-07:00

"Don't take the trip if you haven't got the cab fare home."

(T.R.)

Take Two

2009-04-09T23:26:00.000-07:00

If you find an unusual product which suits both the user and the purpose, buy two, because for sure the company will stop making it.

Did that hurt?

2009-04-03T02:33:00.000-07:00

Pain, on a sliding scale from one to ten: Five is constant, but occasionally overlooked. Six is distracting, Seven overriding, Eight consuming and Nine howling. Ten is blackout.

Showbiz

2009-04-03T01:40:00.000-07:00

The Show Must Go On.

Love Fifteen

2009-04-02T02:18:00.000-07:00

You can't have love while you're keeping score.

Philosophy in a Nutshell

2009-04-02T01:26:00.000-07:00

Always leave a place better than you found it.

Sorry is as sorry does

2009-04-02T01:21:00.000-07:00

Don't be sorry, just don't let it happen again.

Obstacle Course

2009-03-23T13:33:00.000-07:00

'If it's in the way, it must be sacred.'
- Bruno

Short List

2009-03-22T21:04:00.000-07:00

My coach driver's list was only ever five items long: Am I more
Tired than I am
Hungry than I am
Dirty than
The Bus is Broken or
I need to do Paperwork.

'The Bus is Broken' always goes to the top of the list. Paperwork is always last, but occasionally it gets done anyway.

The real hassle is when I got two or three going at once - such as having to decide whether to miss out on sleep, or wake up in the middle of whenever because I'm hungry.

If you want to learn something about priorities, you could do worse than drive a stage coach.

The Empty Hand

2009-03-19T12:18:00.013-07:00

Rule No.1 - Never go anywhere empty-handed.

This began as a lesson from my parents in good manners for invited guests. I hace since expanded to include virtually every movement in space. There is nearly always something either where you are or along your way which needs to be where you are going. As with ride sharing, it's about efficiency.

Wash Me

2009-03-19T12:18:00.012-07:00

Rule No.1 - Always wash up on company time.

Pot Shot

2009-03-19T12:18:00.011-07:00

Rule No.1 - Always present a moving target.

Mexican Overdrive

2009-03-19T12:18:00.010-07:00

Rule No.1 - Always go down a hill in the same gear you would need to climb it.

(Applies to motor-driven vehicles.)

The Computer World

2009-03-19T12:18:00.009-07:00

If it's readable, it's text.
If it's executable, it's binary.
If it's unreadable, it's data.

Archaeology

2009-03-19T12:18:00.008-07:00

If you don't know what it is, call it a 'Feature' - If you don't know what it's for, call it 'Ritual' - and if you don't know what it is or what it's for, call it a 'Ritual Feature'.

One stone is a stone; two stones are a feature; three stones are a wall; four stones are a building.

Live Music

2009-03-19T12:18:00.007-07:00

Rule No.1 - Nobody fucks with the band.

The Digital Age

2009-03-19T12:18:00.006-07:00

Just because it's digital, doesn't mean it's accurate.

Good advice

2009-03-19T12:18:00.005-07:00

The best advice I ever received arrived far too late to do me any good. I pass it along now in hopes it may make a crucial difference for someone else. It came from my first psychology professor, T.R.

'Be careful what you get good at, because you may end up doing a lot of it.'

There you have it.

Philosophy of action

2009-03-19T12:18:00.004-07:00

If you see something that needs to be done, do it.

If you see something being done, offer to help. (Even if that means staying out of the way.)

If you don't know what to do (or how to do it), ask someone who does.

Encore

2009-03-19T12:18:00.003-07:00

Rule No.1 - Always leave them wanting more.

Questions

2009-03-19T12:18:00.002-07:00

Rule No.1 - Always answer a question with a question.

We have a saying on my planet

2009-03-19T12:18:00.001-07:00

If you can't afford to lose it, don't leave it.

Needle in a Haystack

2009-03-19T12:18:00.000-07:00

On those occasions when, out of necessity, I go in search of a needle in a haystack, I have found it useful to bring along a very strong magnet...